Have you ever had someone walk into your life and suddenly the rules don’t make sense anymore? I have, recently, really recently. A few times in my life I have met someone that entered my life so fast that I could see the change one day to the next. Erin entered my life that way, with 5 hour conversation in the stair well. Alexis entered my life with a five hour conversation under a stairwell, and now a new girl has entered my life the same way, (well no stairs were involved) I have talked to her so much the last week, we were really close, but unfortunately it got kind of screwed up you see. I need to rebuild this, it’s mostly my fault. This is not the first time this has happened, and yet I still open my big mouth and allow things to exit it that shouldn’t. This was not the first time my heart got ahead of my mind. Especially because the logician in my mind is tied up in a corner somewhere. However people like this have always been worth the struggle, they are destined to change your life forever, as quickly as they changed you in the first place and so slowly you never know the difference. I remember when Amanda did this to me….
I was a lonely High School student, she was radiant and we had just met that summer at camp. She and I exchanged e-mail addresses as kids do, however unlike everyone else who exchanged e-mails we actually kept corresponding, you see it turns out Amanda had a huge crush on me. I remember the first phone conversation we had, well not word for word, but I remember it because that was when my life was changed. I was pretty weird I never hung out with people outside of school, and like a normal boy didn’t use the phone for long. However this changed when she started calling me, well it was more Kim’s fault but that is not the point. It was Amanda first then, when Kim and I started dating it was her too. It was that first long e-mail to Amanda; it was that first phone call in the kitchen that changed everything. It was a year long friendship then a 3 year long relationship that forged all of this. I would talk to her for hours just to hear her voice, even before I knew I loved her. I would say silly things like I love you like a sister when I didn’t know what love was. It was hours upon hours on the phone with a fair amount of it just sitting there listening to each other breath. Before I knew it I was changed, I was a different more confident person.
Sometimes I pity the kid I was, until I act like him again. Sometimes I want to go back to wish the mistakes fixed, until I realize that I wouldn’t know the people I do now because of them, it’s kind of funny regrets, to regret something is to wish that nothing that has happened has happened, it’s to wish that everything was different. I may be happier if I changed this one thing or another, but so many would not be in my heart, and I wouldn’t have touched so many people’s hearts. Or ran to be a super hero knowing that in this action I was probably going to lose the person I saved.
It was October; I am not going to fair in detail with this memory because it’s not my memory to tell, but I will tell you the memory of my heart beats and my mind racing. It was Halloween. I was sitting and playing magic, with a few friends, the only one I really remember being there was Shaun, but I’m sure Kosh, Ben and Soph were there too, we were at the table closest to the fireplace and I was sitting on the floor. I heard my phone ring, and my heat skipped a beat, I answered it and my heart once again was beating quickly, I was on my feet, I was running. I was defiantly in a panic, it was important so boom boom boom boom, so quickly beat my heart. It wasn’t the normal, pump pump it was a booming noise that resonated with every single part of my body with every step on the concrete. With every breath of the cold air my heart raced. I opened a door and my heart fell apart, the boom boom boom continued, not slowing down and not relenting its drumming sound. I remember my fist clenching and feeling the blood flow to the fist, feeling it cushion to the pressure, and the pain in my hand from the grip. The rest I remember tears and fears and lots of hugs, holding tight, my hands gripped around a steering wheel. I remember questions and answers, stress and terror. Eventually I remember saying goodbye and somehow going to sleep without nightmares that night.
My life changed that night, however it may not have been for the better, or for the worse, just changed. This is a short blog post because it’s almost 2 am, however for those people I have met, and for those who I got to know in two seconds, I don’t know if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I’ve been changed for good.